7 Observations of an Out-of-Practice Babysitter

"Sure, I'll babysit for 8 hours!"  I told my neighbor confidently.  Any human can figure out how to take care of a baby!

A friend text me her support:  And they left you with these babies??? Are they nuts? 

I assured her it was only one baby, and any human is smart enough to figure it out.  But I ended the sentence with a question mark.  Surely any human is smart enough to figure it out? 

Are we? 

1. Algebra:  Taking groceries into the house becomes algebraic when you have a baby along. A.) Do I take the groceries into the house and leave the baby in the car? B.) Do I take the groceries in last and leave the baby in the house?  C.) Is it within the realm of possibility to carry the baby continuously while taking in groceries?

2. Geometry:  Putting a baby horizontally on their stomach does not have the same effect burp-wise as holding the baby vertically.  When you put them vertical again, they will resume vomiting profusely.  

3. Nutritional Science:  How do you know when a baby needs another bottle? I'm pretty sure in eight hours that my baby had as many carbohydrates as a grown man needs in a day, just because I couldn't think of what else to do.  Is it possible to overfeed a baby? 

4. Solutes and Solvents:  Speaking of bottles, they are complicated.  It's best to put the water in the bottle first, then the powdered formula.  Just take my word for it.  

5.  Gymnastics: Another bottle complication: usually the bottle is being made because the baby is crying or unhappy.  Picking the baby up makes the baby happy, but giving it a bottle might make it happier. So is it reasonable to temporarily cause unhappiness by setting the baby down so you can make the bottle?  Or are super baby people able to make a bottle of formula while safely holding the baby? 

6.  Time Management Strategies: Keeping a baby for the afternoon doesn't sound like a lot of work at all, and there should be plenty of time to do other productive things while the baby is happily playing with his toes.  Why didn't I get anything productive done?

7.  Spirituality:  That baby, arching his back defiantly because he doesn't think he wants to be rocked, is just like me.  My arms, firmly around him, are just like the God I thought I knew.  We fight God, because we are sure we know better, but in his mercy, he holds us tight until we quit struggling and finally surrender to the best life we could ever live.  We understand God's plan no better than the baby understands ours!  (Although in this case, I can't blame the baby if he was skeptical!)


"Was he good?" Mom asked when she came to pick him up.  

I wasn't sure how to answer that.  The question of goodness was more about me.  Was I good at it?  

Thankfully, she didn't ask that!